The Nervous System & Relationships: How Somatic Work Creates Deeper Connections

Did you know that your nervous system state plays a crucial role in how you communicate, connect, and respond in relationships? Whether you feel open and engaged, tense and reactive, or distant and withdrawn, it all comes down to which mode of the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) you're in.

How the Nervous System Shapes Connection

Our ability to engage, listen, and communicate is deeply influenced by our body's response to stress and safety. The ANS automatically shifts between different states depending on our environment, past experiences, and internal perceptions.

When stress levels are high, or when past emotional wounds are triggered, the nervous system can move into survival mode, making communication more reactive or disconnected. On the other hand, a regulated nervous system fosters trust, safety, and meaningful connection.

The Three Modes of the Nervous System in Relationships

🧠 Sympathetic Mode ("Fight or Flight") – This state is activated when the body perceives stress or conflict. You may feel on edge, defensive, or impatient. The body releases cortisol and adrenaline, making interactions feel tense and overwhelming. This can lead to arguments, avoidance, or difficulty listening in conversations.

🧊 Freeze Mode ("Shutdown & Disconnection") – When stress becomes too overwhelming, the body may enter a freeze state, leading to emotional numbness, distance, or withdrawal. In this mode, it can be difficult to express feelings, maintain presence, or stay engaged in meaningful conversations.

💛 Parasympathetic Mode ("Rest & Digest") – This is the state of safety, connection, and presence. When in this mode, you feel calm, open, and emotionally available. Your body supports deeper interactions, making it easier to express yourself and truly hear others.

Shifting Into Connection: How Somatic Work Helps

The good news is that you can train your nervous system to move toward a more balanced, connected state. Somatic work is a powerful tool that helps regulate the ANS and builds resilience, allowing you to manage tension and stay present in relationships.

💡 Try These Somatic Practices to Regulate Your Nervous System in Conversations:✔ Pause & Breathe – If you feel overwhelmed, take a slow inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts. This signals safety to your brain and helps calm the body. ✔ Ground Yourself – Place both feet on the floor or a hand on your chest to reconnect with your body’s physical presence. ✔ Communicate Your State – Instead of reacting immediately, try expressing what you’re feeling: "I need a moment to gather my thoughts." or "I'm feeling tense, let me take a deep breath."

When your nervous system is balanced, you show up more present, emotionally aware, and connected in your relationships. With consistent somatic work, you build the capacity to hold space for yourself and others, deepening trust and communication.

✨ Your body is always guiding you—listen to it. ✨

Yours in healing,Heather Sharfi, PhD

The Nervous System & Relationships: How Somatic Work Creates Deeper Connections